You've been a part of one, witnessed one, and even judged one. I'm talking about the weird, sometimes awkward, yet gratifying satisfaction you only can get with a friend- sex.
I am going to give you the real picture behind the term 'Friends with Benefits'. Here you will find a set of guidelines, written by me, in response to the ridiculous advice given by 12 individuals just like you.
Having a FWB can be quite fun. The art of mastering it tho, can be tricky- it's not all about sex but, in the end it's just sex.
• Your FWB is an Actual Friend - 50% say YES
Your friend with benefits is an actual friend, right? Not a stranger with benefits because then you'll be fuck buddies, am I correct?
I think there is a fine line between FWB and booty calling. For one, out of a booty call all I want is the booty. Establishing you as a fuck buddy simply means just that. Please, do not talk because then I can't pretend you're someone else. However, a FWB can be a bitter sweet deal. I get to indulge in some intimacy with absolutely no commitment. Selfish, I know. But, being selfish is what this game's about.
Well, seems like the public has mixed feelings about this one. Only 50% say it's okay to get down and dirty with a friend. The other half says it's better to do this with an acquaintance- someone not as close. I completely see both sides to this. You would not want to ruin a friendship (we all know things will change once you see them naked). However, (rooting for the other side) having your FWB be an actual mate makes things much more interesting.
In the end it's your preference.
• Catching Feelings - 100% say NO
Unanimously everyone agreed that catching feelings for your FWB is a deal breaker. So, steer away from anything that might make you yearn for them in a way which you can't have. "Someone always gets hurt" - sadly that someone is often the one who wanted more out of the relationship. If you're getting into a FWB situation be upfront and honest with them, and yourself, about what you want and what you don't want. Believe me when I say, sometimes it comes across a lot clearer to someone else when you tell them what your not looking for. Do not get involved in a "friends-with-benefit-ship" thinking it will lead to something more. That is not the relationship you're in- most likely than not, it's strictly platonic. And, if you catch feelings in the middle of it (meaning after it has already started) be smart enough to end it.
"As much as it hurts to hear it, it's just sex".
• Going on Dates - 65% say YES
You two were friends before things got sexual so, I will assume you hung out. Let it be in a group or even just the two of you it's okay to go on a simple date with your FWB; dinner or movie. Just remember that there is nothing romantic about your outing together.
"Get the perks of dating without all the implied loyalty and drama".
If you both enjoy the same things and like each others company go ahead but, keep in mind that you'll be going Dutch on this one.
• Meeting Friends and Family - 85% say NO
Don't get mad if they don't want you to meet their best bud or don't invite you to the family BBQ. Chances are you're just not at the level to meet them. You don't just go introducing your FWB to everyone. How would you present them? 'Mom, this is the person I am having casual sex with but, have no intentions of dating but, that's okay because she doesn't want to date me either. Sarah, this is my mom'.
"Meeting the family or their closest friends is emotional and makes things too serious".
Remember you got in this for the simplicity of things. If you happen to already know these people (because you met them before you nailed their son) keep your cool. Yes, things have changed but, that doesn't mean you've changed with them. Just don't expect to be treated differently in front of them.
• Sleepovers - 75% say YES
So, you called them over to your place at 2am after you got out of the bar because you wanted some- it's okay to let them spend the night.
"If it were the middle of the night I'd feel guilty if I told them to leave after we just had sex".
60% of those who said sleeping over was okay also said cuddling was okay. Turns out we like the affection without feeling pressured to be anything more. And if you can deal with it, good for you!
• Calling and Texting - 75% say NO
Do not expect a phone call or a text message. To be rudely honest, those etiquettes aren't involved in this type of mix. There is no need to check in or say 'hi'.
"I don't expect a call everyday. And frankly get annoyed if they do. Likewise, I'm not texting them on the hour."
• Keep it Quiet - 91% say YES
What happens between the two of you should stay between the two of you. (Alright, I know you have to tell your best bud but, I am warning you, stop there!) There is nothing official or restricted about your relationship- You're both allowed to date other people. Given a situation where you meet someone new (which we know will happen) you don't want them finding out that you banged so and so. Especially if you guys are still friends, your new interest might find that intimidating leading ways to drama that no one wants to deal with. Besides, does everyone need to know who's knocking your socks off?
"He was very much the 'I don't care who knows' type. And I made sure to snip that one off fast. I prefer things on the low. Not because I had anything to hide. But, because I had nothing to show off."
• Jealousy - 100% say NO
Don't over step your boundaries. Jealousy isn't cute when you're in a relationship. So, imagine how ugly it looks when your not? Do not get territorial with something that is not yours.
"You're not together. If you feel like your jealous it's because you caught feelings. Which means it's time to call it quits."
*****
I didn't mention much on the sex itself. But, do I really have too? When the most you're getting out of a situation is sex you better be the best or bet that you're going to be replaced!
There you have it. Advice given to you by people like you. Do you agree with these terms and conditions? Anything else that should be added? If you are thinking about getting in a 'friends-with-benefit-ship' these are a good bunch to follow. Oh, and FYI, only 10% of FWB actually evolve into a long-term romantic relationship.
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